if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
