Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
