when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize