can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
