The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
