Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
