I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Less talking, more tequila
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
