dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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