So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
