if you like me you must not know who I am
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
