She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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