he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
