If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize