A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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