My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
