i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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