Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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