That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
