I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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