yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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