Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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