My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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