On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
