I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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