Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
grandma shit on top of the toilet
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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