my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
