"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
