yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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