i already hear my dad disowning me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Send help, water and tortillas.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
