just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
