I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize