I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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