and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
