Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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