if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
