I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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