so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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