If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize