he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
