the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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