Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
