she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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