I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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