**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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