If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
