I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
