The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
