I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
