this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize