yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
