You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the day after is always just damage control
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
