i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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