that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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