You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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