I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
