I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My ATM looks so different sober.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
