He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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