Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
