two words: eviction party
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
