I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
