I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
