My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize