Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
