I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
