I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
