I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
