Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
