Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
