She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
