I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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