Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a hot homeless man
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
