it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
