its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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