I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
