what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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