Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
