the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
