I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
