u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
