You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
