I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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