It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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