life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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