evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Four minutes until I can fart!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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