I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize