I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
