p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
