I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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