She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
