I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize