I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
