The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
