Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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