perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
