after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
