White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
