he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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