hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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