Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
