I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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